LETS TALK A LITTLE MORE ABOUT MYSELF: CHILDHOOD

I was born on August 26 the year 1983, in a town called Nyeri in Kenya. I am a second born in a family of three siblings. I had a relatively normal childhood. Well I have some unpleasant memories like being touched inappropriately by our nanny at the time. I also remember visiting with this kids who were all boys and them asking that we show each other our private parts. There were also two of my father’s sisters who asked that I suck their breasts, touch their private parts and also watch them as they bathed.

So I was taken to boarding school from class one. I remember being bullied, although at the time I experienced it as a highly intense disturbing feeling that I didn’t know what to do with, except wanting to hide. Then this time we are at the swimming pool. The school pastor calls me and when I go to him, he starts touching my breasts and telling me that I am becoming a big girl. I don’t understand. Anyway, in class two, this girl starts touching my breast, we were classmates. She used to say that I have such big breasts. I was feeling so intensely uncomfortable but I feared her so I just used to stand there as she touches my breast and asks other girls to touch me. There was also this class seven girl who once invited me to her bed. Then she also did something that i don’t quite remember but it felt wrong.

There was also this boy who had really bad anger outrages. He used to scare me. I tried to befriend him by being nice but he also burst out at me. It was so scary.

I moved from that school to one run by sisters or nuns if you like coz we relocated back to the home of my birth. So here I remember first being the darling of all my new classmates. This girl, I will call her G, and I decided that we were best friends but then the most popular girl in the class asked that I be her best friend. So without thinking I accepted and dumped G. And I made G feel bad coz she was like I had said she is my best friend. Anyway just as I had become popular suddenly everyone was against me. And people seemed to be moving towards G. I didn’t understand why the hostility but I decided in order to survive I must become extra nice to everyone.Even at my own expense. And I did, I needed to survive. I had to. The sisters were equally brutal, gosh they really beat us without mercy. The food was also very bland and never enough. I didn’t understand why even after being so nice the sisters didn’t seem to like me much. Well there was one. And that helped me. Because now I had started to develop this strange fear where I could easily startle and shake when I am called by any authority doesn’t matter I may not have been guilty of any wrong doing.

This is part of my childhood that has been neatly tucked for a long time. But no more.

This series ‘Let’s talk a little about myself’ will unpack traumatic events about my life, this is the first installation.

IMPORTANT NOTICE:

I started this series of blogs ‘Lets talk a little more about myself’ by talking about aspects to myself  that I  had tucked away for so long. However I am able to do so because I am a therapist by profession and part of my training and also as an ethical aspect to my practice, I am required to do 50 plus hours of personal therapy as well as supervision. I have done over 100 hundred of both. And in the course of that, I have been able to process a lot….

Please use my posts for information purposes only. They are not a substitute for seeking out professional help. The views expressed here in are  from my personal experiences and while one may resonate with what is shared, it’s not a substitute for appreciating your own unique personal experience. Always do your own research on any topic to guard against being hoodwinked.

Published by nasewangari

Clinical Psychologist| Humanist| Great passion for demystifying and decolonizing mental health

3 thoughts on “LETS TALK A LITTLE MORE ABOUT MYSELF: CHILDHOOD

  1. Oh my Gosh this is so hard to read. Am crying. What made me manage to read through is the fact that where you are now is not the same place as then.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading! It’s interesting when you’re living it you don’t see it as tragic because it’s your reality. When however you are out of it then you view it differently. And that’s the beauty of life, you can rise from anything, there’s always a way

      Like

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