Reading ‘Facing Mt Kenya’ on this chapter of ‘Ombani na Ngweko’ then on to the next chapter on marriage and it’s amazing to see how our ancestors understood sexual energy and put measures in place to make sure it’s diffused in a healthy manner. Looks like our unhealthy views and puritanical interaction with this subject could be less than a hundred years old.
There are two extremes in this modern times of which play out, on one side you have the ‘do you’ who it seems they advocate for no boundaries and satisfy your urges as long as it’s in a consensual manner. Then on the other extreme there’s the camp that has a whole list of don’ts and it’s as if they are saying this is a complex mysteriously mystic act shrouded with so much vague power so that you should be very afraid to be caught on the wrong side of it. It’s just two extremes of a dichotomy that don’t help much in my opinion. Because they both have unhealthy outcomes, well from my observation.
You see now sex is used to sell damn near everything. But if I tapped into the consciousness of our ancestors via reading that chapter in ‘Facing Mt Kenya’, we are pulled by that sense of belonging and intimacy, which fundamentally sex has a power to tap in to. And apart from awakening the physical angle, there is a deeper dimension to it. Emotions are intertwined, spirit (if you believe in this) is intertwined and there is a coming alive of the mind. However when the emphasis, as is the case with the modern society, is placed on the physicality aspect to it then we have an imbalance and a problem at that.
I see the wisdom of my ancestors where they allowed both girls and boys, and that’s after giving them prior teachings, the space to exercise their sexuality, to play with it, but in a way that they are also getting training to learn to regulate themselves so that you have self control. With them understanding the consequences of each and every of their actions so as to know when to stop, which barriers and boundaries not to cross. This then also guides their choices when it comes to choosing their future spouse. And it’s a progression, not just something you jump into because of good feelings. I don’t know any of my peers who got trained this way.
And so now we talk a lot about poor choices as far as relationships is concerned, single parenting, high divorce rates, introducing a bill to give teenagers family planning, how boys and girls engage in objectification, sponsor cultures etc the list is endless. Issues that 100 years ago were non-existent. And perhaps this is one of those sankofa moments, let’s embrace having candid and realistic ways of teaching our children about their sexuality. A way that helps them have a healthy view, devoid of shame, guilt and unnecessary metaphysical mysticism, and our ancestors have something to tell us….
Please use this for information purposes only. It is not a substitute for seeking out professional help. The views expressed here in are from my personal experiences as well as from those I have interacted with. And while one may resonate with what is shared, it’s not a substitute for appreciating your own unique personal experience. Always do your own research and due deligence on any topic to guard against being hoodwinked