Let’s Take a Walk Back to my Younger Self Thoughts on Emotional Regulation

My adolescence is a blurr, mostly. Being in a high school that I did not particularly like, may have something to do with it. Or may be I was busy recovering from the trauma of a portion of my primary school. The fact that our memory does obscure information from memory may also be a component.

My emerging adulthood? Boy do I remember those. I recall one day waking up and feeling. I mean like really feeling. It’s like someone literary force fed/showered me with the gift of emotions. Suddenly I was getting affected to the least cellular level by inane things that you shouldn’t be too affected by e.g Liz there’s a slug on your bucket, and I would burst into a flood of tears, trigger thought being why can’t the slug just stay clear of my stuff why does it have to invade my privacy. Such a meany slug. You get the gist. I mean the line between my being excited, sad, happy depressed, labile was so obscure it was insane!

I remember looking for answers as to what was wrong with me. We didn’t have Wi-Fi those days. And the last I had a good internet experience was during this visit to some country with my family, I mean with parents and siblings, tihi that word family can be misconstrued. Anyways my options for accessing information was limited to the adults in my life, peers and books.

As for the adults, they seemed to speak a lot of ADULT, that language that is mostly riddled with speak of does and don’ts with little to vague info or no reasons for either. Don’t have sex before marriage, because it’s wrong. Why is it wrong, because it’s a sin. Work hard in university, so you can get a good job. Dont be quick to anger, it’s bad for your soul, be kind and compassionate, the world needs more of it etc etc. I can tell you my peers were better consults. Ok mostly.

My peers. Given we had a lot in common, it was therapeutic sharing on some level. But being me of course there is a lot I didn’t share. And the books, from the self-help to the philosophical ones. There were some insights there as well. But still….

Getting a handle of my emotions has been a heck of a journey. Some unfortunate souls may have bore the brunt of my “zilla” side. It’s like one minute I am this hurricane boiling and determined to destroy and in a matter of minutes I am docile, calm and collected. A Jerkyl and Hyde situation. I scare myself too. I don’t know how many can identify.

What is the point here? I came across some write on development. How apart from the physical, cognitive, also on an emotional level there’s a process taking place as well. How we are socialized as boys and girls plays a component in how we navigate this. Perhaps a good talk is to learn that feelings are not permanent and that it doesn’t correlate with reality either. And now I recommend mindfulness the process of observing our thoughts and emotions without judgement. Andy Puddicombe has good insights.

IMPORTANT NOTICE

Please use this for information purposes only. It is not a substitute for seeking out professional help. The views expressed here in are  from my personal experiences as well as from those I have interacted with. And while one may resonate with what is shared, it’s not a substitute for appreciating your own unique personal experience. Always do your own research and due deligence on any topic to guard against being hoodwinked

Published by nasewangari

Clinical Psychologist| Humanist| Great passion for demystifying and decolonizing mental health

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